


Let me stand by your side

by Ellstra



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Deep feelings, M/M, unaware idiots in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 22:52:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3505748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim notices his First officer and best friend acts strangely and tries to find out what happened. When he finds out, there is a whole new world opened before him, one he didn't even think of before. Now he is supposed to choose - will he enter it or not? A strange incident makes the decision for him and now he has to convince others it is his choice as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let me stand by your side

**Author's Note:**

> I already posted this on FF.net ages ago but I don't really like it so I decided to rewrite it a little. And why not post it here, right?

The Enterprise was flying through Space just as it should. She headed towards a remote Starfleet base for a routine check up. The area the ship sailed was extremely void and even the stars that could be seen around were scarce as if this spot was a stand-alone unit. It was a little boring for the crew because they were several days away from the first sign of something solid out in the vastness of Space. Some crewmembers enjoyed the time without catastrophes waiting to happen. But not Jim Kirk. 

The Captain was suffering from idleness. He had known there would be moments like this when there was no threat to be taken care of, no planets to explore and no annoying orders to follow or ignore if necessary when he became a commanding officer of a starship. He thought he was okay with it but to be honest he hadn’t come to terms with it at all. During dull days like these, he didn’t have anything to engage his mind with and his thoughts wandered in various directions he wasn’t always comfortable with. 

Just like this time. His eyes kept darting towards his First Officer who was concentrated on his screen as if the fate of the world depended on it. Jim didn’t want to stare at Spock so much, but he wasn’t successful. The Vulcan attracted his sight even more than usual; and Jim knew that even usual was more than it probably should be. That day however, Spock was acting peculiar. Jim thought normal people wouldn’t notice little changes in the Vulcan’s facial expression, wouldn’t spot his back was more stiff than usual. But Jim wasn’t most people and he knew Spock was distracted and something troubled him. Jim was convinced it had nothing to do with the ship; Spock would never endanger the ship, her mission or crew.

In his effort to determine what troubled Spock, Jim asked the First Officer various questions and even took a few looks on what Spock was working on. Apparently Spock wasn’t playing any computer game – Jim went as far as considering that – nor was he hiding some sign of imminent danger from the Captain. His answers however were extraordinarily short and businesslike. Spock was always factual but never brief; as Jim noticed, the Vulcan thrived on long, complicated sentences. Spock’s short replies lacked his usual vast vocabulary and specific sharp wit. 

Jim was worried. He thought he should be able to tell what troubled his friend; that he should be able to guess, but he wasn’t. Spock was too good at hiding his feelings and even if Jim knew him well enough to realize his friend wasn’t his usual self, he couldn’t point his finger on a particular cause. Moreover, he was sure Spock would have guessed the source of his discomfort had the situation been the other way around; to be honest though, Jim wasn’t as difficult to read as Spock.

Jim looked around the Bridge in attempt to distract himself. Everything was as it should be – Chekov staring lovingly at Sulu, low number of staff around the vital stations since they were supposed to be going through an uneventful phase of the journey, and of course Spock. Before Jim sighed though, he caught a glimpse of Uhura staring rigidly at the screen in front of her in a manner not unlike Spock’s. Jim tilted his head to the side slightly with interest.

Now, when he concentrated on it, he could see they both held their heads down as if they wished to avoid the sight of each other. Jim tried to remember if he saw the pair fighting. Or spending time together. He frowned as he realized that Spock spent most of the time on duty or with him. There couldn’t have been much left since Spock wasn’t a machine – despite Bones’s jokes – and needed to rest. Kirk realized that two of his highest ranked officers weren’t talking to each other and he felt a little bit less troubled than he should. 

With some shame he looked away and busied himself with checking some data about the ship. Meanwhile, he decided it was necessary to do something about it. As much as he felt uneasy and uncertain about relationships, he was still a Captain and he had to make sure his ship would never be at stake because of a personal disagreement between two officers. And as much as he would hate to lose either of them, one would have to go if they weren’t able to cooperate. Jim would be very upset about losing Uhura, but he couldn’t imagine running a ship without Spock. It was such a surreal image he almost laughed. 

That being decided, Jim thought carefully which of them he should question first. On one hand, he was on much better terms with Spock and he supposed he wouldn’t feel as awkward around him but then again, Spock was a Vulcan. He was unbeatable when facing a problem that required cold logic but he was still unexperienced and puzzled when it came to socialising. Uhura on the other hand was a human and most probably the one who until now kept their relationship going. Jim knew it wasn’t his problem but he kept telling himself that Spock would never initiate anything. Jim almost literally bit his lip as he tried to solve the dilemma. 

As he allowed himself another tiny peek at Spock, he came up with the solution. He couldn’t make his Vulcan friend go through the awkwardness which would undoubtedly follow if the subject was brought up. It would have to be Uhura; she was the one Jim believed capable of handling the situation. He wasn’t sure about Spock because the Vulcan looked too fragile to be able to cooperate.

As soon as Jim drew this conclusion, he almost stood up to make his idea happen. In the last moment, he changed his mind and sat back into the chair. He glanced at Spock and and understood that it would be a wrong idea to go and confront Uhura right then. It would make the crew alert; they would either think there was some danger threatening to happen or they would make up some rumours and Jim knew the fewer stimuli there was for making them up the better. 

Chekov grinned at Sulu as they looked at each other at the same time, signalling number fifteen to the latter. They giggled quietly, muffling it with their sleeves, and with a spark in eyes they turned back to their respectful positions. Chekov glanced at the Captain who was distractedly staring in front of himself; normally he would notice the Navigator and Pilot playing a game of ‘How many times does Jim look at Spock and immediately back away’ but he wasn’t paying much attention. Chekov had to admit that the game wasn’t so much fun when they didn’t risk getting caught.

Jim was tossing around the chair like a bored child in a crib. The day was tedious and he almost wished for some ionic storm to break loose, some Klingon ship to appear out of nowhere and start shooting; basically anything would be better than just sitting there, doing nothing.  He was counting the minutes left before he could walk off the Bridge without seeming suspicious. The chair was burning him alive and he didn’t wish to sit in it which troubled him. He wanted to be a Captain; he’d always wanted even when he didn’t admit it to himself. He wanted to prove everyone that he was Jim Kirk, not just George Kirk’s son.

Jim got a brilliant idea which would postpone the unpleasant duty for a while. It was not just unusual for him to not wish to show off as a Captain, it was even rare. Maybe he was ill and just imagining things. Maybe he was in some pleasant dreamworld where Spock ditched Uhura because he was madly in love with Jim. That was too crazy to be real and Jim already came to terms with being ill. In a way, it was better than having to face the problem.

When the shift was over, Jim forced himself to walk away as calmly and with as much dignity as possible. He went to get some food and once he got a hold of something, he headed for the Medbay. 

“Hey. The mighty hero himself! What brings you among us mere mortals?” Bones exclaimed when Jim entered and walked over to his desk. He sat down on it, ignoring the doctor’s remark. McCoy reached forward and stole some of the food from Jim. Before the Captain mustered enough energy to protest, the food was already lost, so he just glared at his friend.

“I think I’m ill.” Jim said matter-of-factly as he took another bit of his food. 

“You really must be if you came and said so,” Bones looked at him suspiciously, “and how’s that showing?”

“I’m bored out of my mind. And I keep seeing things.” Jim explained with his mouth full of food. 

Bones raised his eyebrow and reached for a tricorder. Before he could do what he intended though, Jim stopped him with a swift gesture of his hand.

“Whoa, stop there. I already told you I’m sick. Be the doctor you always claim to be and treat me.” Jim exclaimed with alarm in his voice.

McCoy found it quite ridiculous how a mere machine could unsettle the famous James T. Kirk, known for his courage and bravery. 

“I know what you’re thinking and it’s not funny,” Jim warned him and pointed a fork in his direction, “so stop it.”

“Fine. When did the hallucinations start then?” Bones hid his grin and attempted to look concerned and professional with a piece of cutlery still pointed on his face. 

“This morning,” Jim replied and, satisfied that McCoy finally discarded mocking of him, diverted his eyes back to his food. 

“And what are they like? Is your vision blurred, can’t you focus on what you see, do you see stars?”

“For god’s sake, Bones, we’re on a spaceship. _In space_. Don’t you think there would be some stars?” Jim muttered under his breath.

“You know what, sometimes you’re incredibly obnoxious! Do you want me to examine you? Fine, then answer my questions. Do you want to annoy me and stop me from doing something important? Then get out.” Bones growled. 

“Alright, alright, no need to be violent, you old grump.” Jim defended himself. “Geez, I thought doctors had to prove they were nice caring people before they gave them the doctorate.”

“Guess what, I’m a good actor,” McCoy rolled his eyes. “So what’s the scary thing you’re seeing?”

“Spock and Uhura are acting weird.” Jim’s reply was a lot more shaky and uncertain than he had planned. Maybe it was because he knew how ridiculous he sounded even before Bones snorted. 

“And you think you’re the ill one?” McCoy added to his non-verbal response. 

“Well, yeah. You haven’t seen them; they wouldn’t look at each other and they seem so concentrated on they monitors you’d think we’re in the middle of a battle.” Jim provided Bones with more elaborate explanation. He set his unfinished meal on McCoy’s desk and looked at the CMO.

“Jim,” Bones sighed, letting out a sound Jim had learnt to classify as ‘I’m just a country doctor’ moan, “did it occur to you that they might be having pro- oh my god, this is some prank, isn’t it?” 

“Why?” Jim asked with a genuinely puzzled expression upon his face. 

“You’re not actually telling me that you didn’t think of the possibility that they might be having some issues with each other, are you?” Leonard frowned at Jim. 

“I did,” Jim nodded.

“Great,” 

“I rejected it,” he went on. “It seemed too improbable.”

“More improbable than you being ill and not suffering from some gruesome allergic reaction?” McCoy asked skeptically. 

“Haha, really funny,” Jim chuckled humorlessly, “I mean why would they fight? I know they did have some issues but I thought they solved it after he told her he didn’t want her to be upset about him not giving a damn about dying.”

“Jim, are you even listening to yourself?” McCoy asked carefully. 

“Well yeah, that probably sounds stupid, but still. He would never argue with her and I thought she already learnt that reasoning with him is pointless. She’s not stupid.” Jim went on.

“Alright, you should probably know this before you sing more odes about the hobgoblin.” Bones cut him off. “They broke up yesterday.”

“You’re being ridi- What?!” Jim spat out with shock. He knew it probably wasn’t a reaction worth of a Starship Captain but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“You heard me. They had a fight and I somehow managed to catch it-“

“You mean you were eavesdropping.” Jim grinned smugly.

“No. They were quite loud and quite close for me to get the gist. She made herself very clear; everything between them is over.” Bones looked over at his friend with worry. Jim’s face was a little flushed and he could almost hear Jim’s brain work. 

“What did they argue about?” Jim asked absent-mindedly, staring in front of himself, imagining all sorts of scenarios. Most of them included him and Spock and a passionate make-out session.

“Er-“ McCoy didn’t know if he really wanted to tell Jim. 

“That sounds a bit too little to break up over,” Jim remarked sarcastically.

“Fine, alright, don’t kill me!” Bones raised his hands in a defensive manner. “They argued about you.”

“Me?” Jim thought it was a bit cheesy to say that because it was obvious, he had no problems with hearing the word and it sounded like from some cheap soap-opera, but he couldn’t help himself. What did he do wrong to cause a couple’s break-up? Sure, he liked them both much more when they were Spock and Uhura than when they were Spock _and_ Uhura, but he couldn’t recall ever doing anything that might have put obstacles between them, less so those that were insurmountable. He couldn’t have done anything wrong just because he had certain fantasies about Spock; he couldn’t control them, they just came to him, he never told anyone about them and neither of his other fantasies of this nature had ever come true. Just because he wanted them to break up, he didn’t want to be a cause of it.

“Are you alright?” Bones leant above him, staring into Jim’s eyes with concern. 

“I caused a break-up of two of my vital crew members and closest friends, of course I’m not okay!” Jim exclaimed. “What did I do, Bones?”

“Well, according to Uhura, Spock spends all his time with you and she thought he was avoiding her.” Bones bit his lip before he went on; he knew he should tell Jim since Kirk would find out anyway eventually but that didn’t mean he felt happy doing so. “She made him choose between you and her.”

“What? That’s a rule number one, never make anyone choose between you and another person. You might not like the answer.” Jim interjected.

“I know, but apparently Uhura didn’t. She pushed him really hard to get the answer; she must have been completely out of her mind. It was obvious that while he couldn’t say her name, he didn’t wish to hurt her, but she was insistent. When he surrendered, she was devastated. There was no place for doubts, because - and she asked him about that as well - he not only chose you with his mind but with his heart as well.” Bones sighed. He noticed Jim’s eyes were closed as he was deep in thoughts. “She broke down after that. She showed emotion for both of them, screaming and crying and all that. He just stood there and listened to her for some time before he said something like that he had enough of her crap and walked away. It was quite harsh, he was really cold.”

Jim woke up from his meditation and he looked at Bones, taking a deep breath. “Cold? Do you even take into consideration what he went through?! I guess you didn’t, saving all your empathy for Uhura and leaving none for Spock. Typical. Everyone thinks he’s cold and heartless, that it doesn’t affect him at all. Do you even realize he has feelings as well, emotions that are actually deeper than those of a human.”

“Calm down, Jim, I didn’t say anything like that,” McCoy defended himself, “look, I know you like him and that you’re his friend, but he should have broken up with her if he didn’t want to date her anymore, you’ve got to admit that.”

“Oh no, I don’t have to admit anything,” Jim hissed, “maybe he didn’t know how to ditch her. He takes that stuff really seriously; maybe he didn’t even know he could dump her.”

“That’s ludicrous. He’s a bit slow but he’s not an idiot. He knows that when you don’t like the girl, you break up with her.” 

“Oh, you’re an expert on that, aren’t you?” Jim mocked McCoy dryly. 

“Get out,” Bones hissed, “get out of here.”

“As you wish,” Jim stood up and headed for the door. On his way out of the MedBay, he bumped into Uhura who was standing idly as if she was waiting for someone. 

“Oh, good afternoon, Lieutenant,” Jim barked at her as he passed her. He didn’t see her puzzled and hurt expression as she watched his back disappear, wondering what she’d done wrong to deserve this.


End file.
